The Fine Line.

There’s a fine line between suffering for arts’ sake, and simply suffering. Many artists use negative experiences to shape a creative work, especially for fine art. However, it’s not healthy to make oneself suffer to create.

I am guilty of suffering to create, but not always intentionally. One bad habit is not allowing myself to get the amount of sleep I need because I feel that I should be able to push through my sleepiness. The root of my problem is that I accept my disability for its perks – the unique ways of thinking, unorthodox problem solving, my obsessions, and more – but I do not accept my shortcomings, the disability aspects of my neurology. From afar that might sound inspiring, noble even, but it’s far from any of those things.

Instead of allowing myself accommodations, I cut my achievements short by neglecting the care my disabled aspects need. One very obvious example is my need for more sleep than seemingly everyone in my life. I was reminded very sternly by getting physically ill (no germs involved, though) in not getting my body the sleep it wants, and it cut down on my productivity and provided more meltdowns and a few shutdowns, which was a vicious cycle all on its own.

This entry is a little short, but something that is difficult for me to confess and talk about, especially in detail. For now, this is the most prominent example that I can think of, but if others come up, I’ll write more blog entries on them relevant to my business.

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